Knowing how to set boundaries with an addict can be one of the most difficult challenges for family members and loved ones. While you want to make sure your loved one has the resources they need to survive and move past their addiction, this is different from being taken advantage of and enabling addiction. Instead of becoming an enabler, become a pillar of support for your loved one. The process starts by setting boundaries that encourage accountability, honesty, and recovery. Here’s how to do it.
Recognize Codependency Issues
Some people have heard the term “codependency,” which is a somewhat hot topic in the world of addiction treatment. While codependency was originally a topic put forth by wives of people with alcohol use disorder in the 1940s, today, it has taken on new meaning as it relates to other dependencies such as drug abuse.
It’s true that codependency doesn’t have a set definition in the DSM-V, but it’s generally understood as a type of unhealthy relationship where one or both people are overly reliant on the other for emotional support and self-worth.
Codependency can lead to issues such as:
- External focusing
- Self-sacrifice
- Interpersonal conflict and control
- Emotional constraint
These issues can quickly lead to loss of self, where one’s focus is solely on improving and maintaining the well-being of the addict. This can create a toxic dynamic in which boundaries are not respected, and enabling behavior is normalized. If you feel yourself struggling with codependency, it’s a clear sign that it’s time to take back control and learn how to set boundaries with an addict.
Prioritize Yourself When Learning How to Set Boundaries with an Addict Intentionally
The first step to setting boundaries with an addict is recognizing that you have a right to set them. While setting boundaries might be a new concept to loved ones of people with addiction, it’s all but necessary to prevent long-term burnout. Studies have shown that people who struggle with codependency and lack of boundaries suffer from issues such as:
- Poor health
- Reactivity
- Self-neglect
- Additional responsibilities
If you’re taking care of a loved one with addiction, know that you deserve to also live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. The sooner you learn to prioritize yourself and recognize that you have the right to set boundaries, the easier it will be to enforce them.
Identify Your Limits
We all have different limits for our friends and family. Some families might, for instance, provide shelter to a loved one with substance abuse in a spare room of the home, while others will only pay for housing. Others might not have the space or funds to support a relative with addiction, and that’s also okay.
Housing is just one scenario that shows how crucial it is for you to identify your own limits. What responsibilities are you comfortable taking on without feeling overwhelmed or resentful? Is it financially, physically, or emotionally feasible for you to take on certain tasks, such as driving someone to appointments or checking in on their sobriety?
Knowing your boundaries and limits will help you effectively communicate them to your loved one without feeling guilty about stating your needs. It’s important to remember that setting boundaries is not about being selfish or uncaring; it’s about creating a healthier dynamic within relationships and prioritizing your needs first.
Communicate Clearly and Consistently
Once you’ve identified your boundaries and limits, it’s crucial to communicate them clearly and consistently with your loved one. Unfortunately, communication within families can be difficult for some, especially when addiction is involved in the picture.
Lack of communication in families of teens has been linked with depression and anxiety. However, positive family communication predicts higher self-esteem in adolescence, which is negatively associated with symptoms of anxiety and depression. Self-esteem is also a predictor of relapse and severity of relapse.
Learning how to communicate can help you set boundaries and enforce them clearly with your loved one. If you’re having trouble with family communication, some things that can help include:
- Family Therapy: Family therapy is an excellent tool for improving communication within families. A therapist can help facilitate healthy discussions and provide tools and techniques for effective communication. Family therapy can be done with or without the person with substance use disorder.
- Conflict Resolution: Whether you want to negotiate, mediate, or find another resolution to a family conflict, learning how to resolve conflicts peacefully and respectfully can help improve communication within the family. That’s where conflict-resolution comes into play, teaching family members a structured approach to resolving disagreements and even learning how to set boundaries with an addict.
- Active Listening: One of the most important aspects of effective communication is active listening. This means fully focusing on what the other person is saying without interrupting or assuming their thoughts. It also involves acknowledging and validating their feelings. When you set boundaries, chances are your loved one will fight back. But instead of getting defensive or shutting down, active listening can help you understand their perspective and find a compromise.
Find Support For Addiction Recovery Today
The more informed you are about your loved one’s addiction, the better equipped you will be to stick to your boundaries and help them on the road to recovery. At Ray Recovery, our Ohio addiction treatment program offers family therapy, dual-diagnosis treatment, and intensive outpatient counseling to help people with SUD and their loved ones.
Contact us today to find out more about our comprehensive addiction treatment programs and how we can support your family during this challenging time. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey towards recovery. With proper education, boundaries, and open communication, you can build a healthy relationship with your loved one while supporting their recovery journey.
