The self-blame and guilt during the addiction recovery process might make it difficult for people to set boundaries. However, setting healthy boundaries in recovery is essential for both people in recovery and their loved ones. If you’ve struggled in the past with not having the confidence to set boundaries, continue to feel that you aren’t worthy of having boundaries, or fear not being liked if you say “no,” know that it is possible to overcome these barriers and create healthy boundaries for yourself. Here’s how to get started.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Recovery – Start By Understanding What Boundaries Are
The term “boundaries” is used quite often today in mental health and addiction recovery settings. But what is a boundary? In short, a boundary is any limit you set for yourself in order to protect your physical, emotional, or mental well-being. Boundaries can be both internal (within yourself) and external (with others). They are an essential part of self-care and play a crucial role in building healthy relationships with others and with yourself.
Types of Boundaries
There are several types of boundaries that you can establish for yourself in recovery. Some common examples include:
- Physical boundaries: These involve setting physical limits around personal space, touch, and physical interactions with others. For instance, not allowing someone to enter your room while you’re meditating or not hugging someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
- Emotional boundaries: These involve setting limits around your emotions and feelings. For example, not allowing someone to criticize or invalidate your feelings. If they do, giving them a chance to reflect and walking away when the invalidation continues can be a good boundary.
- Time boundaries: These involve setting limits around how much time you spend with others or on certain activities. For instance, leaving a social event early if it is causing you stress or setting aside alone time for self-reflection and self-care.
These are just some of the many personal and unique boundaries you can set for yourself. Remember, no boundary is too unreasonable when you’re in addiction recovery.
Take a Moral Inventory and Start Setting Boundaries
So how do you start setting healthy boundaries in recovery? Perhaps one of the best ways to go about this is to take a moral inventory, also known as step 4 in the 12-step recovery process. This involves taking an honest and thorough look at your thoughts, behaviors, and relationships and evaluating their impact on yourself and others. Through this process, you can identify any patterns or red flags that may need to be addressed through boundary setting.
For instance, let’s say you notice that you tend to want to please everyone, whether it’s by doing something that goes against your own values or by constantly sacrificing your own needs for others. This could be a sign that you need to set boundaries around people-pleasing behaviors and prioritize your own well-being.
Or, you might notice that you turn to using substances because you don’t want to do therapy or other forms of recovery work that may be uncomfortable or challenging. In this case, setting boundaries around avoidance and prioritizing your recovery can be just what you need to benefit you.
While taking a moral inventory might be an uncomfortable and vulnerable process, it can ultimately help you identify areas where setting boundaries can greatly benefit your recovery journey. And once you have a better understanding of yourself and your needs, you can start implementing specific boundaries in your life.
Communicate Your Boundaries Clearly and Firmly
Of course, setting boundaries is only effective if they are communicated clearly and consistently. This means being direct and honest about what your boundaries are and why they are important to you.
It’s also important to remember that setting boundaries doesn’t mean being aggressive or confrontational. You can communicate your boundaries calmly and assertively, without attacking or blaming others.
Certain statements can help when communicating your boundaries. For instance, statements like:
- “I have therapy and will not be available….”
- “Please do not discuss….with me.”
- “I need some time alone to recharge, so I won’t be able to attend…”
- “I do not participate in activities that involve substance use.”
- “I will not continue our friendship if….”
These statements clearly outline your boundaries and convey the importance of respecting them. Learning to be confident when communicating your boundaries is already a step towards prioritizing your recovery and taking care of yourself.
Enforce Your Boundaries
Communicating your boundaries is important, but enforcing them is essential. If someone continuously crosses your boundaries after you have clearly communicated them, it’s important to take action.
This can involve calmly reminding the person of your boundary and reinforcing why it’s important to you. It may also mean removing yourself from the situation if necessary.
Enforcing your boundaries may feel uncomfortable or even scary at first, especially if you are used to people-pleasing or avoiding conflict. But remember that standing up for yourself and prioritizing your recovery is an act of self-care and self-respect.
Begin Setting Healthy Boundaries and Recovering
Recovery is about taking care of yourself first and foremost, so make sure to always prioritize your needs and boundaries along the way. But how can you begin setting healthy boundaries in recovery as someone new to the process? At Ray Recovery, our outpatient addiction treatment center in Hudson, OH, can help provide you with resources including therapy, groups, and programs that will support you in creating and enforcing healthy boundaries during your recovery. We’re proud of intensive outpatient treatment and partial hospitalization programs, where you’ll learn valuable skills and techniques to help you build a strong foundation for your recovery journey.
At Ray Recovery, we understand that setting boundaries may not be easy at first, but our team is here to support and guide you along the way. With our evidence-based treatment approach and compassionate staff, you’ll have the tools and support necessary to set healthy boundaries and prioritize your recovery. Call us today to learn more about our programs and how we can help you on your journey to healing.
